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We Are Not Alone (a send-off essay for Anna-Leen)

Coming home from Anna-Leen’s funeral, there’s a motion-picture that’s stuck in my mind. I clearly remember the hearse parking by the curb, then Jeff’s vehicle moving behind it. Jeff stepped off, his head bowed a little. He was wearing a crisp white shirt and was clutching yellow flowers in his fingers. In every way, he looked like a groom at the end of the altar, anxiously waiting for his bride.

There he was, waiting ...so certain of the changes to come, yet so clueless about what the future holds. There he was, going through the motions of the ceremony, mingling with the guests, seeing them off one by one. And then it was his turn to leave... The only difference was there was no bride to come home with. What should have been a journey for two is now a passage for the lonesome.

What a sad, sad movie...

As my heart breaks for the loss of a very dear friend, I try to come to terms with this loneliness. Looking back at Leen’s illness and her ultimate passing, it’s neither the pain nor the tears that I remember. Rather, it’s the outpouring of love and support from everyone around her. When I was afraid and crying, I remember how friends made me feel that we were going through that together. When her illness took a turn for the worse, our group started a 9 o’clock prayer habit. Back then, we felt there was strength in numbers. But as I look back at it now, it was more for us than for Leen. That we wouldn’t feel so alone in our sorrow; that we could be with each other even though we were miles apart. When we finally bid adieu to Leen, there was a sense of family that hugged us in one tight embrace.

CAMARADERIE...COMPANIONSHIP... For me, these words have become synonymous with Anna-Leen’s name. In the seventeen years of our friendship, I remember wondering why with every gathering; Leen would always have a brother, a cousin, a friend (heck, even a friend of a friend) in tow. Sometimes I questioned whether our group was not entertaining enough. Hehe. When she was already ill, I speculated that perhaps they were her scapegoats from being questioned about her condition.

It’s only now that I realize that Leen has carefully meshed every aspect of her life into a seamless whole. Her eulogy program was a clear testament of this web she had created. She would have laughed at the troupe that was preparing the program for her. What an ensemble it was -- her family, her relatives, her friends. We were all working together as if we had known each other for a long, long time. Hahaha! Who am I kidding? Because of Leen, we indeed, have known each other for a long, long time! Ah, ever so caring, Leen! It was as if she knew that she would be leaving us so soon. She found a way for us to find company in her absence.

Flashback to my sad movie...there were hearty moments after all. There was no bawling while we laid Leen to rest. Instead there were quiet tears and poignant songs; quite appropriate for someone who is now at peace. No one could ever measure how much love was given out at the service. I can’t recall how many people squeezed my shoulder, touched my hand or said reassuring words. And Jeff...no one could ever count how many people hugged him that day.

Now I come to realize, there is no loneliness to come to terms with. Essentially, there is no loneliness for we were never, never alone. In God’s perfect plan, and in Leen’s perfect execution, we are left with each other. We are a family now. I call her dad, Papa. Her brothers have become like brothers to us as well. Her cousins have become our friends. Our group has grown to include Jeff and the couple’s good friend, Jason. Certainly, this companionship could never fill the void that Leen has left. But thank you, Leen for all these people that you have brought into our lives. They will forever remind us of you.

Thinking of Anna-Leen

Gone to Soon (video grab from Jason)

Girlfriends in the Land of Sos Tomato and Susu Koklat (July 10-15, 2008)

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(for my multiply contacts only)

It wasn't the best of ideas we've ever had. Going on a vacation in the middle of the schoolyear was simply unthinkable! Leen tires easily, Cristy is pregnant and I have a school to look after. Hence, we weren't excited until it was really, really time to go.

We arrived in Kuala Lumpur on the night of July 10. We were so hungry and sleepy by the time we got to Kath's house. We had a quick dinner and off to snoozeville we went!

Day 1 - We went to the National Mosque, but it was closed that day. Mr. Teh (our official taxi driver and tour guide) brought us to the National Museum instead. We also dropped by the Royal Palace. We had lunch at Chinatown -- the first of our many food adventures. After checking in at our hotel, we rode the train going to Petronas Towers, and going back to Kath's house. Whew! We were so tired! We felt so old.

Day 2 -We went back to Petronas Towers to have photos taken from the outside. We went shopping at a local grocery for "pasalubong." Kath met us for lunch at Madam Kuan's. Then we headed to Beryl's Chocolate Shop for more "pasalubong" shopping. After that, we went to the KL Tower. We tried Turkish Ice Cream. It was a bit mind-boggling that the Turkish guy was expecting us to ask him about Ylmaz Bektas. Hay, sometimes Filipinos can really be too "showbiz." From the KL Tower, we attended mass, then had dinner at KFC.

Day 3 - We took a bus going to Genting Highlands. It took us a while to check in at First World Hotel (long bus ride, long queue to the cable car, and a long wait for our rooms to be available). At least we got another chance to satisfy our food cravings. That day, it seemed we only paused for a while before we were eating again. We probably had 4 or 5 meals that day.

Day 4 - We went to Snow World in the morning. Somewhere in the middle of putting on stinky cold gear and actually subjecting ourselves to freezing temperature, we were thinking..."Why are we doing this?" Well at least, we had wonderful photos from that. Kath and her family returned to KL that afternoon. I'm glad I was able to spend time with her before they left. After they left, we finally went out of First World Hotel and explored the surrounding areas. We had an early dinner at a coffee shop. That night, I got to ride the Flying Coaster. It was great, but it wasn't as fast as I imagined it to be. Too bad Sky Venture was closed. Leen and Jeff also joined me for an indoor roller coaster ride. To cap the night, we watched "Journey to the Center of the Earth."

Day 5 - Mr. Teh fetched us at dawn to bring us to the airport. By 5pm that day, I was home sweet home.

Wow! It was indeed an experience. Kath and Almer were awesome hosts. Malaysia was just so nice. We had so much fun, and our tummies were always full to the brim. Next project, girls?

Seven Friends Every Woman Needs

condensed from Seven Friends Every Woman Needs by Lisa Earle McLeod

King Arthur had his round table and CEOs have their VPs. The two-heads-are-better-than-one credo applies to your personal affairs just as much as it does to knightly quests and business decision-making. Here are seven types of friends who deserve a spot on your Dream Team:

1. The in-the-trenches-with-you friend. Whether you share the same profession, hometown or marital status, this is the gal whose life is pretty much the same as your own. She’s the one you can count on to listen to a my-life’s-so-tough soliloquy and really get it.

2. The wise woman. She's been there, done that — and she can give you some perspective on your situation. Whether you're surviving your child's terrible twos or climbing the corporate ladder, just knowing that she made it through in one piece helps you persevere. Whether she's your official mentor or simply a more experienced friend, you can learn a lot by picking her brain.

3. The joker. She may not be all that reliable, but she has this wonderful way of pointing out the lunacy of the world and making you lighten up and laugh!

4. The fresh friend. Having a friend who is younger than you reminds you of just how far you've come (and, hopefully, how lucky you are to be exactly where you are). While you may envy her youth and enthusiasm, you could also be inspired by her!

5. The good guy. Every woman needs a male friend. Think of this buddy as a translator who can help you speak the sometimes befuddling language of the male species — and keep the faith. Remember, don't muddy the waters of this friendship with flirtation. Befriend a guy who is happily attached or whom you don't find attractive! Who knows, you might want to add his wife or girlfriend to your friend roster too.

6. The not-my-life friend. You're married; she's not. She's a firefighter, a CEO, a nun. A pal with a very different life provides you with a refreshingly different point of view — and helps you appreciate that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

7. The history friend. This person is someone who has been the eyewitness to the ups, downs and bad hairdos at every stage of your life. Perhaps you met in the playpen or on the first day of junior high school. This kind of friend is priceless, and you should regularly drop her a line or call her to keep the connection current. Because she's been part of your past, she can fully appreciate your present.

http://www.lifetimetv.com/reallife/relation/features/buddies.html

My History Friends

We had a blast yesterday at Julia's flip-flop party. (Julia is Cris and Cristy's one-year old daughter.) It was the first time our kids got to swim together. It was really memorable! (too bad my photos are not so nice)

Flashback to 1992...We were naive teenagers cruising through high school. We went swimming in Cavite, and had the naughty urge to have some female bonding. I can still remember how we hogged the bathroom because we were showing eachothers, er, assets. Hahaha!

If we only knew back then that we'd end up seeing more than that. We've seen eachother grow (literally and figuratively.) We cried at eachother's weddings. Now we have children of our own. It's such a blessing to have friends like them. Kath, Leen, Cristy and Pam truly are my History Friends. (see related blog - seven friends every woman needs)